We Build Up

What was I doing?! This isn’t me! Somewhere in my little fourth grade mind I decided that I wanted to be cool. I wanted to show Billy who was boss and I wanted to show others too. And for those 48 hours I was a bully… a real life Mean Girl. I called Billy names, I teased him, I splashed water on him, and I made sure that he was miserable. This time at recess, I found myself physically bullying him. My two girlfriends behind me laughed as they thought what I was doing was funny.

I shoved him, “Come on, Billy!” I shoved him again “COME ON! Aren’t you going to say something?”

I waited for an answer. My hands were on my waist, hip popped out, and my weight resting on my back leg. I waited for the little pipsqueak to make his move. What, in my power, was I able to provoke from this little nobody?

I waited.

And the next few seconds changed my entire life. They have played on repeat in my mind over and over again since.

Time had stopped. The breeze gently kissed the leaves of the trees as it passed by. The grass was still a little damp from the morning dew. The sounds of my classmates playing nearby blended in with the background. All I could hear was the snickering of my two girlfriends behind me and the loud snickering inside myself as I hovered over him, glaring.

But Billy didn’t say a word, the look on his terrified face said it all. He was on the ground, inching backwards away from me. He was on the verge of crying and screaming all at the same time. He was ready to burst! 

I looked at his eyes. Those eyes! Those eyes are seared into my soul. They said it all.

Why was I doing this? To what end? I realized then and there that Billy was a person too. He had a home. Probably a dog as well. I’m sure he liked TV and pizza was most likely his favorite food. He had people who loved him very much. He had a mother who could see the beautiful qualities in him. They were there. Surely I could see them too if I looked hard enough.

I just stared back at him, my hands falling to my sides, my weight leveled between my feet. My glare softened along with my heart. I was ashamed. I turned and just walked away. Not only from the situation, but from ever doing such a thing again. I had been taught my whole life that the Savior loves each and every one of us unconditionally. I had been taught that as a child of God, I should emulate my Savior’s love and extend a loving hand to those around me. What I had been doing those two days was anything but.

Ever since, I have lived my life trying to find at least one good thing in people. I have fought every urge to notice the bad, pushing those negative thoughts aside and looking for a positive. Even if it started with “Her hair looks nice” or “I like her shoes”, that was a starting point.

Now here I am, three kids later, and trying to teach them and instill in their little hearts and minds principles of love, kindness, sharing, and thoughtfulness. They are never too young to learn such things (and we are never too old!). But if I could ever teach my children one thing, just one thing, it would be that we build up. We build each other up in this family, we build up those around us, and we build up ourselves.

I have this picture hanging in my home. It is a picture of the Salt Lake Temple in 1892, the day that the capstone was laid. It’s telling to me that even though the capstone is being put in place, scaffolding still adorned the spires of the building. We are constantly building, we never stop, and the only way to build is up. It's impossible to build down. You can only tear down. 

Alex and I are building a family, and we are trying to build our family up unto the Lord. Building is a messy process. But it's a messy process that involves many contributors. There are tools, workers, scaffolding, a contractor, and a blue print. They all come together to make something beautiful.

As a young mother, it’s difficult to keep the floor clear of toys or the table clean of crumbs. The art supplies are always out with crayons strewn all over, and the couch is filthy from little dirty feet jumping on it. But those marks on the wall and the dirty couch and the messy table all serve as reminders to me that we are building. I don’t need to be so hard on myself all the time if I understand what comes along with building something. Though, that doesn't give me an excuse to let things go and to live in a mess, rather it helps me to be less critical of myself and my home. 

When you come to visit, don't mind the construction zone, we're building a family!

As the general contractors of this family, Alex and I have a duty to teach our children how to build, what tools to use, and how to work together. We can teach them how to build and lift each other up, to encourage, cheer on, support, and love those around them. We can build up emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually through words as well as action.

No matter what or who we are building, we build up. And our job of building is never completed.