Trying to Figure it Out

Since moving to Kansas City, I seem to have gotten lost with a sense of who I am. Back in Utah I had my routine, I knew where everything was, and I had lots of friends. With Alex now gone most of the day at school, I'm here by myself with two kids not knowing what to do or where to take them. I am having to relearn what makes me happy. For the last four years, Alex has been my happiness. I know I shouldn't depend on him to make me happy... but life is so much brighter, fun, and exciting when he's around. I feel like I know who I am when I am with him. But now that he's not really around...who am I? Really?
It seems like every day for the last two months has been a day of "trying to figure things out". Sure, I've had a couple of break downs and I've had those days where I just don't want to do anything because I am border line depressed. But for the most part, I just want to create something. I don't know what... but something! I know that when I create something it makes me happy. I don't know how many times I've changed my kitchen decor (okay only like 3 times), or how many times I've started to draw or paint only to scratch the whole idea or how many times I've had a great thought that I never follow through with. I'm in the process of figuring out how to let my creative soul free... It's just knocking and knocking and doesn't know how to get out! And I'm sure this learning process will be on-going for the rest of my life. But why not start now? I'm learning that in order to reach what I think is my potential, I have to take that first step. I have to take risks and even let myself fail in order to find myself.
I have a perfectionist "all-or-nothing" mentality... and I'm realizing more and more that in order to grow and to eventually reach my desired goal or outcome, I need to take one step at a time. I've been told this my whole life, yet only now is it beginning to really sink in.